The post For My Unsure Friend Finding Out She’s Pregnant. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

Don’t ever Google “post-baby body” and expect to find something uplifting.

Also, I shouldn’t have Googled my weight and height, what’s “normal” weight-loss post-baby or anything else along these lines, like I did.

The reason is simple: I’ll never have my pre-baby body back—thank God.

Right now, I’m 11 weeks postpartum and my linea nigra is fading, but still going strong.

I’m one of the lucky women who have a linea nigra, a dark line, running across my skin from my pubic bone to up between my ribs. I use the word “lucky” with no sarcasm whatsoever.

Having this kind-of-thick dark line running along my skin is one of the most beautiful things that happened to my body during pregnancy. My mother’s line faded from my first pregnancy and I do expect it to fade completely after this one too, but it’s a dead giveaway that I just gave birth, no matter how taut or tight my belly appears to people looking at it through clothing.

Yet I can’t say that I’ve been in love with my postnatal body. (I did, after all, honestly Google the things mentioned above.) And I’m not proud of that, but I’m not ashamed either—because many women want their “pre-baby” bodies back, but we feel either guilty for admitting it out loud as we cradle a gorgeous new life within our new-mother arms, or we unhealthily obsess over it.

My yoga practice has actually been pretty amazing since giving birth.

But the first time I attempted crow pose—a posture of strong spinal flexion and abdominal lift that I couldn’t safely perform during pregnancy—I felt “clunky.”

I felt “clunky” and heavy as I tried to shoot my feet back into chaturanga.

Gone was the quiet floating of my pre-pregnancy days and, here, were the new ones of big toes kind of plopping down as I tried to get back in touch with my abdominal muscles.

And I mean that: my yoga practice after having a baby was all about “getting back in touch.” It was like a friend I hadn’t spoken to in months and we were catching up, but instead of talking about work or my kids, I was listening and communicating with my intercostals and my obliques.

And I’ve been getting on my mat every single day since about four or five weeks after I had my baby. I’ve been arriving for at least five minutes of daily core work and, typically, 20 or 30 minutes of some sort of flow sequence.

Yet the reason I’ve been doing these things isn’t related at all to my aforementioned Google searches, but to the simple fact that every time I get on my mat I breathe away not only my life’s stressors, but I realize that I love my body so much, exactly as it is.

I love my linea nigra.

I love my slightly loose skin.

I love the fact that my crow to chaturanga is getting lighter and stronger and I love that I can feel my body as it regains both flexibility and strength. But I don’t love these things every day.

Some days I just feel ten pounds heavier than before I had my baby.

Some days I can’t stand the slightly loose skin.

Some days I feel clunky in general, not just in crow pose.

But that’s the thing: my daily yoga practice has given me the power of getting in touch with where I am, right now, regardless of whether or not that’s where some silly celebrity blog says I should be or whether so-and-so still has ten extra pounds.

Because, when I’m on my mat, there are no arbitrary numbers—only me, Jennifer, new mother, strong-super-woman-who-attempts-crow-pose-after-pushing-out-a-baby.

On my mat, I’m all alone, like on a deserted island, while simultaneously being connected to the larger theme of life that makes anything coming up on a “post-baby-body Google search” a complete waste of time.

So, yes, I’d love to pretend that I’m perfectly content in my postpartum skin. I’d love, too, to imagine a world where women don’t feel some form of pressure to be fit. However, we live in a world where “post-baby body” is a completely normal catchphrase (and Google search).

But that’s not why I get on my mat.

I get on my mat because I want to feel good—and a huge part of feeling good is taking care of my body, because it houses my new-mother soul.

And I’m raising two girls now—I’m raising two little human beings who depend on my teachings for how they will look upon their own bodies some day.

I want them to know they can talk to me about concerns and insecurities, but I also want them to know that our bodies are so much more than numbers on a scale, or how strong or how flexible we are.

So, thank you, yoga practice for reminding me that I’ll never, ever “get my post-baby body back.”

Nope, it’s gone—because, actually, after I had my first daughter, I was healthier than ever before, having a brand-spankin’ new reason to get on my yoga mat every day, and her name was Gemma.

And now, as a new year dawns, my resolutions aren’t anything like, “lose that ten pounds of baby weight,” or “practice yoga every day.”

My new year’s resolutions are more like, “remember to breathe through the hurt and frustration,” and “fall in love with myself all over again every single day.”

And I do fall in love with myself every day.

Every day I fall in love with my willingness to embrace my flaws—especially the flaw of caring so much about my imperfections—and I fall in love with where I am right now.

And right now I’m a writing, blogging, stay-at-home-yoga mama machine who needs her yoga practice—and who is learning to love her body, without labels.

Photos: Author’s own.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post How Yoga Helped Me Accept That I’ll Never Have My Pre-Baby Body Back. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

I like a good drink.

It’s in my bio—my love of hoppy beer.

I also love a glass of wine after a long day and a shot of tequila on a Saturday afternoon.

But I’m pregnant. I can’t drink. Truthfully, my husband’s pints of hoppy ales make my stomach turn—and the smell of wine, just forget it.

So, last week when I had a horribly shitty day and my obvious end-of-a-bad-day/beginning-of-a-great-evening solution would have been an extremely generous glass of wine, I was left with, what the hell do I do with myself?

What do I do with my frazzled nerves and my overwhelmed heart and my tear-hair-out monkey mind?

I went to yoga class.

I walked in at 6:15 for the next class that evening and the studio manager sitting at the front desk was absolutely shocked to see me. Because I don’t take night classes.

No, at night I hole up with my family and cook and read books to my child and talk with my husband over stirring pots of yumminess on the stovetop—I do many things, but going to yoga class isn’t one of them.

But I’ve found this whole new me within my pregnant self—within this self who doesn’t drink alcohol—and I like her.

To be fair, I’ve been an emotional mess throughout this pregnancy.

My hormones have not been kind to my sensitive feelings and life didn’t get the memo that it was supposed to go easy on the pregnant lady. Actually, these last few months have been some of the most stressful of my life, and alcohol was not going to be there to help see me through it. Thank God.

Seriously, I just told my husband the other night—when I’m nearly positive that he wished I could drink—that I felt so blessed to have been forced through this intensely troublesome period of time without the convenience of drinking my beloved beer of choice (Hop Devil IPA, from where I used to live, if you really want to know).

It’s reminded me that even though I easily get anxious and even though life isn’t always fair in the amount of stressors it hands out at a time, I’m capable of breathing into and through life—just me, no alcohol necessary.

And I can honestly say that I’m sure I’ll have a beer or two periodically after my baby is born, but that I genuinely do plan on turning down alcohol more often than not.

Because that yoga class I took the other day, at 6:30 at night? It felt awesome—I felt awesome.

And I like me, even on my freaked-out-at-life days and especially when I could use a drink—because that’s the me who has some things to learn, things like patience and acceptance, surrender and how to practice real yoga.

And my real yoga begins when I walk out of that studio door and I get into my car and I’m forced to inhale and exhale and just experience my life.

And sometimes having a few glasses of wine while cooking dinner helps, but, more often, I only wake up thirsty at night and still have the same damn problems in the morning.

So I’m taking a pregnant pause to slow down and breathe into my life instead of glossing over it and, sure, some moments are better than others, but I want to be present for all of it.

Because if I hadn’t had that difficult day yesterday that caused loud tears to spill down my cheeks, then I wouldn’t have had my little girl come up to me and, being extra silly, make me laugh to cheer me up.

In life, we have bad times, but there’s nearly always good right there with it, if we can open our teary eyes enough to witness it.

And maybe for you it’s not alcohol but exercise (I’ve certainly run miles of life’s challenges away in my past too) or sex or something else that temporarily numbs our human experiences.

But what if, for one evening, we all paused before going into auto-pilot and chose a different way to deal with life?

What if for one day we chose to feel it all and breathe into the pain and into the joy and we stayed present, no matter how hard it was?

Well, maybe, we would find ourselves doing that the next night too, because life was actually easier when we dealt head-on with our burdens and emotions and thoughts.

And maybe every day could just be living our lives—loving our lives and ourselves—one breath, one moment at a time.

Photo: Quinn Dombrowski/Flickr.

This article first appeared on elephant journal.

The post What Happened When I Took a Breath Instead of a Drink. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

Chapter 39.

Small flutters of movement ignite her lower abdomen.

She’s thrilled to, with no doubt in her pregnant being, finally feel her baby move.

Little invisible swimming motions stop her thoughts throughout the day. She’s brought instantly back into the awareness that she undoubtedly shares herself with someone else—someone she hasn’t yet met; someone who now holds her heart in a tiny, palm-sized frame.

She stepped onto her yoga mat but had trouble being in the room today.

The class, for her, felt off and her body felt tense because of it. Her breath didn’t flow freely and she had to remind herself to finish her exhales—something she rarely has to do anymore.

These past few months marked nine years of daily yoga practice, much of it on her sticky mat. Nine years of gaining strength and flexibility of mind and, consequently, of her body too.

She practiced yoga for more than nine years—for well over a decade, actually—before her daily routine took shape, but they were fairly shallow. Contrarily, though, she’s been practicing yoga for years without realizing it.

Every time that she put one tennis shoe-clad foot in front of the other on a hiking trail; when she reclined curled up in the nook of her boyfriend’s shoulder in sticky, summer grass gazing up at evening stars; each instance that she acknowledged what she felt, however uncomfortable, and let that emotion roll by, crest and fall, she practiced yoga without a yoga mat or expensive pants or even a specific agenda in mind.

However, she’s discovered that the easiest way to get to this place of stillness—of quiet ease—within her mind, and deep within her bones, is on her purple sticky mat.

Going to class is typically an efficient tool for her to relieve herself of her swirling, churning brain and her deceptively complicated heart.

She feels a flutter in her belly again—this sensation is becoming familiar, expected and desired.

In the background, her daughter climbs on the television stand like it’s a jungle gym and then, for a few breaths, sits perched upon the top shelf watching a kids’ show on PBS before climbing back down and then up again.

She tilts her head and looks at the gold “G” emblemized on a ring on her first finger. It turns slightly, until the “G” sits off to the side. The stones of her family heirloom fourth-finger ring stay perfectly still despite her fingertips moving rapidly across her black keyboard.

Momentarily, she closes her eyes and breathes in; sucking air like a vacuum into her lungs, slowly purging it after a brief pause.

Spaces like this that exist in life—these insufficient nothings that are seemingly both inconsequential and lacking in depth—are, ironically, the beats that make up the rhythms of our lives. These are the words that we leave out, and their absence makes the sentence fuller.

Life is funny—we are funny.

We chase crescendos and, occasionally, even nadirs, but it’s these ellipsis that need to be given our attention.

She feels a flutter in her lower abdomen, and she closes her eyes once more…

 Visit here for more of The Caged Girls.

Photo: Holly Lay/Flickr.

The post The Caged Girls: Jennifer’s Body. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

I was ecstatic to open this little manila envelope when it arrived on my doorstep, and that excitement has not waned.

Kristin McGee, celebrity yoga and Pilates instructor, has come out with the bomb-diggity of all prenatal at-home workouts.

This 2-disc DVD couples both yoga and Pilates for something refreshingly fun and appropriately challenging—and both are a welcome change from the average sit-in-the-same-yoga-pose-for-an-hour DVDs that are typically geared towards expectant mothers.

McGee says straight up within her DVD’s introduction that, at times, her primary focus is women who are moving into pregnancy with an already existing yoga practice. Still, in my opinion, her precise instruction and accessible modifications also allow for less experienced moms who want to relax, yet move and stretch.

Here’s a peek at the DVD menu, from McGee’s website description:

“Prenatal Power Flow Yoga — Not for the beginner, but for the pregnant mom who wants to keep her yoga routine during pregnancy. Two segments—do one or both. (43 minutes)

Prenatal Breathing and Meditation — A chance to bond with your baby, your body, and prepare physically and mentally for labor and delivery. (12 minutes)

Prenatal Pilates Tone and Sculpt — Strengthen pelvic floor and abdominals for easier labor, delivery and recovery. The band provides overall toning to keep the body fit and strong during pregnancy. (24 minutes)

Prenatal Peaceful Flow Yoga — Relax, unwind, while lengthening and stretching. (20 minutes)

Prenatal Express Workout — Short on time but need a workout? This Express Workout will challenge the entire body gently and effectively. Do it anywhere. Any time! (9 minutes)”

 Again, these DVDs offer something for yogis who want to both break a healthy sweat or simply release tension from tired muscles. (And, if you’re like me, these needs vary day by day, even when not pregnant.)

Perhaps the best part of this DVD, however, is the simple yet unique yellow theraband that comes with this set and its accompanying Pilates workout—my own pregnant body absolutely adores this segment of these DVDs.

First of all, it’s physically invigorating and, for most pregnant yoga mamas—even those of us with Pilates experience—this portion shakes it up and keeps our workouts interesting.

Actually, I found myself regularly gravitating to this particular routine and, with each installment’s relatively short time, it’s impossible not to make time for it in my day.

Additionally, McGee’s light-hearted but approachable personality is inviting and, as my husband puts it, he loves how the video’s studio space makes you feel like you’re practicing with McGee in her living room. And, for us second-time mommies, McGee’s smile is so contagious that my daughter, believe it or not, chooses to put this DVD in. (She’s even tried to get my husband to pop it in and practice along.)

Moreover, one of the things about McGee that has had me looking for her DVDs since my first MTV introduction to her is the eloquent but down-to-earth way she has with words and cues.

For example, McGee—pregnant with her son in the videos—tells us to “hug our baby to our spine” when we need reminders to activate and engage our core muscles—and what a wonderful sensation this evokes when working out with child.

Speaking of McGee’s ability to fuse yoga and Pilates, this is the only area of the DVD that I think might be new or different for some regular yoga practitioners.

Pilates breath and yoga breath are not identical, and there are a few points (such as rounding the spine when on all fours and bringing the knee towards the nose) that she cues breathing inversely from some other yoga styles.

In other words, she tells us to inhale or exhale when our own yoga style might encourage us to do the opposite. However, I think it’s important to remember that neither is incorrect and, for me, I found myself enjoying a little bit of experimentation while, ultimately, breathing how it felt best for my body.

Because easily one of the most wonderful aspects of this DVD is the way that McGee encourages us to listen to our bodies—to not overdo it, to push through one more round when we have it in there and, primarily, to relax into motherhood rather than battling our way through—and what a helpful parental lesson to begin learning early on like this.

Lastly, I can see myself using this set even after I’ve given birth. Many of these strengthening moves are excellent post-natal and the efficient workout modules are perfect for any busy new mom.

I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to have discovered this DVD collection during my pregnancy—I certainly wish I’d had access to it the first time around. That said, if you’re a pregnant yogi, a hoping-to-be pregnant yogi or a new mama, this DVD is definitely for you.

(And, hey, Mother’s Day is right around the corner. Wink, wink.)

Visit Kristin McGee’s website to purchase your copy.

Photos: Courtesy of Kristin McGee.

The post Why Every Pregnant Woman Should Own This DVD. {Review} first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy. So there ought to be one fairy for every boy or girl.”

~J.M. Barrie

From the moment you find out you’re pregnant to the instance that you hold your baby cozily in your arms for the first time, being a new mother is something that’s difficult to place into words.

Still, there are so many (unnecessary) anxiety-inducing myths about the process. Here, we’ll unmask a few.

1. You will be mortified if you poop on the delivery table.

Trust me, when you’re in labor you won’t care…at all. Please don’t spend the amount of time worrying about this that I did the first time around.

2. The pain will be unbearable.

To be fair, we all have different tolerances for pain. However, one thing that helped me get through the discomfort was remembering that it won’t last forever!

Read this for some additional tips.

3. There will be something wrong with your baby.

For one, the probability is high that your baby will be healthy (and all of those prenatal check-ups and screenings help ensure this too), but the simple reality is that if something is wrong with your baby after you give birth, worrying about it beforehand will not help.

4. You won’t be able to nurse.

I actually didn’t think this would be a problem for me—and it was.

My mother-in-law (thankfully a wonderful lactation consultant) and I worked for weeks and weeks to get my daughter to latch on properly and for nursing to be an easy experience, for both my daughter and myself.

And, yes, it took work and, yes, I think I spent the first month or so topless in my house, but it was worth it because she became a breastfeeding pro and we didn’t wean her until two years old.

(Tip: seek professional help, like that of a lactation consultant, if you have any questions and concerns—that’s what they’re there for.)

5. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

To this day, this is hands down the dumbest piece of advice I’ve heard.

The only people who will tell you this are parents who are so far removed from the process that they don’t remember why they didn’t follow it themselves. Because you will be tired and you will want to nap—and I’m not discouraging your own rest—but, for me personally, I found much more relief from fatigue by practicing yoga or exercising while my daughter napped.

6. You will be a horrible mother.

This is my own observation, but moms who worry about how good they’ll be are often the ones who really care about the job. In my opinion, this is a huge plus towards being a stellar parent.

7. Nursing is birth control.

For some, this is true. For others, not so much.  Click on the link in red above to learn more about nursing as a birth control option.

8. You will know you’re in labor.

Well, I thought I was in labor the night before I had my child, but I wasn’t positive because it was nothing like the dramatic movie scenes I’d witnessed.

I remember telling my husband things like, I might actually have to cancel my six a.m. yoga class if I still feel like this tomorrow. (A big, big deal for me then.)

Yet I wasn’t sure I was in labor—until my water broke. Honestly, though, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I put my feet up and drank water. I went to bed early and then took a shower and packed my hospital bag after my water did break.

Point: know the lesser labor symptoms, like upset stomach or diarrhea.

9. You won’t make it to the hospital.

I personally wasn’t afraid of this, but many expectant mothers are.

You are almost guaranteed to make it to the hospital. I actually had a very short labor and delivery and I still made it to the hospital.

Having said that, I wanted to be at home as long as I could. I had no desire to be one of those mothers hanging out in the birthing center before I needed to. One thing that I decided to do in order to help myself relax at home was create a list of things for my hospital bag and then, after my water broke, I slowly packed my bag while checking items off. If you find that you’re overly concerned about making it to the hospital, prepare your luggage in advance and call your doctor at any signs of impending labor.

10. You’ll spend a fortune on maternity clothes.

Okay, maybe you will and maybe you want to. Me? I didn’t want to. Tunic tops, loose dresses and leggings are all great options (and wonderfully comfy clothing choices for after the birth too).

11. You need all the crap on the Babies ‘R’ Us register.

Repeat after me: No. You. Don’t.

Not shockingly, the lists of things you’ll need handed out in baby stores where you can register for gift items are…trying to sell you stuff!

Obviously, you will need new baby items, and these things will vary from mother to mother and from baby to baby as well, but here’s my advice: if you don’t think you’ll need it, skip it. (You can always purchase it later.)

12. Pregnant sex is weird.

I recently read a story about a celebrity saying that her husband thinks pregnancy sex is “weird.” It made me furious! Maybe some men are like this, but surely not all men. Feeling sexy and desirable during pregnancy not only encourages you to love your gorgeous, voluptuous body, but having sex is a natural and positive experience for expecting couples to share. If your spouse does have concerns, talk about them openly.

13. Sex induces labor.

Exercise and walking are commonly thought of as the go-to labor inducing act, but guess what? Sex is better.

This is all thanks to the effects of prostaglandins and Oxytocin, both necessities of labor.

14. Your vagina will permanently change.

Oh, how I wish someone had been blunt with me about this one.

Absolutely expect your vagina to be stretched, sore and just plain weird after a vaginal birth—but also expect these dramatic changes to not last. Remember, your entire body is made to stretch and expand for your baby’s birth.

My personal favorite analogy: are men afraid of having their penises permanently affected by erections?

Regardless, if you want to help ensure your pre-baby vaginal state, then do your Kegels, both before and after having your baby.

So there you have it, a few myths and fears debunked and squelched.

Do you, or did you, have any concerns about your labor, delivery or early parenthood experiences? Share them in the comments section below.

Photo: gabi menashe/Flickr.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Debunking 14 Labor, Delivery & Early Parenthood Myths & Fears. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

Chapter 36.

She sits in bed writing what lies inside her chest.

It spills out in bursts and pauses today rather than intense moments of clarity.

She’s had this nagging feeling that she can go in two different directions, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

She’s pregnant, with her second child. She feels life beginning within her and it quickens her heartbeat and slows her reactions.

She feels sluggish.

She’s at that gorgeous, initial starting point where the finish line is visible, yet not something that feels real.

Her heart knows that it can handle two children, but her daily patience and overall inability to occasionally deal with stress makes her slightly fearful.

She doesn’t like feeling afraid.

For a time, she simply shoved it deep down and played with her daughter and felt nauseous and the beginnings of roundness, and all that comes with impending motherhood. Now, though, she sits typing and she stops—and she listens. She listens for whatever it is her churning thoughts are trying tell her.

Chapter 37.

Her practice has periods of bursts and pauses too.

One week she goes to class four times and practices at home as well; still others, she finds herself stalled by a sick child or her own body.

The first time that she was expecting, she pushed through a variety of workouts, through teaching yoga classes and even through new, additional certifications. However, this time she’s promised herself that it will be different, and she’s heard this from many second-time mothers.

The first time we start out like puppies, ready to race and play and squirm underneath any obstacle, but with time, and with wisdom, we see the merit in being a little bit less like that notorious hare and more like the moral tortoise.

That’s not to say that she won’t push through workouts—although she has temporarily given up teaching in order to be at home; to practice, instead, being the kind of mother she dreams of becoming—but she’s committed herself to enjoying this slight stillness—as much calmness as can be had with a toddler running around—before another addition comes into their family.

She finds herself feeling unsure of this new equilibrium that she actively seeks out. She finds it ironic that passivity, for her at least,  takes active work.

She hears the pitter-patter of her fingers and the slight click, click, click of her longer nails as she types and, suddenly, something blurts into her understanding:

She’s always effectively stilled her stream of consciousness by moving physically through her body and this is the pattern that she’s trying to change; to break; to disorder.

For the moment there’s only disorder—random mental chatter of her flaws and her failures. She remains determined, though, and not just for her sake, but for her family’s and for this life that’s growing quickly within her.

She hits “save” and her fingers momentarily rest; stop; still.

She’s not sure precisely why she needs to do this for herself—to back off and let things happen more naturally this time around—but it’s a gut instinct and, she’s learned the hard way, those you don’t ignore.

Photo credit: tanahelene on Flickr.

The post The Caged Girls: She is Reborn. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

My first child was born naturally.

And, no, that doesn’t mean I had her at home.

Rather, she was born in the birthing center of a local hospital, and I had no medications. I let my body do the work while my midwife provided wonderful guidance and support. (My husband was pretty great too.)

And I’ve had essentially three different reactions to my sharing that I had not so much as a Tylenol throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery.

One, other women look at me with shocked horror clearly exposed on their faces, saying something along the lines of “I would never do that. Give me the drugs;” two, women say that they also had beautiful natural labor experiences or, three, I’ve had some women appear jealous or a little sad because they weren’t lucky enough to have had natural childbirth as an option. (Cesareans exist for a reason, after all.)

So, with my expectant mother’s tummy filled with another growing life, I can’t help but hopefully contemplate my upcoming renewal of this experience and, likewise, reflect on the positive experience that I had—and what steps were taken to arrive there.

I’d like to share some personal tips that helped me, and I’d like to you to also keep in mind that this advice is from the experience of a mother, not a physician.

1. It is not your birth.

Women get so hung up on the pain aspect of labor and, to be fair, it’s practically shoved at us.

I choose to view my labor and delivery as my child’s experience, not mine, and this helped me view it as an act of maternal love instead of a wailing struggle.

2. Breathe.

If you practice yoga, don’t stop. Learn safe modifications, but do not stop your practice. If you’ve never practiced yoga then find a properly certified teacher to guide you through a prenatal class. The breath work that’s taught in yoga class is a priceless tool for the delivery room.

3. Exercise.

Do not use your pregnancy as an excuse to sit around.

Relax and rest, of course, and nap if you can, but exercise. Your body will need to be strong, and even flexible, during childbirth, and now is the time to prepare.

4. Eat well.

Ideally you’re already eating well for your baby, but what about for you? You’ll feel your best when filling your body with unprocessed, healthy food.

Again, pregnancy is not a reason to eat an entire carton of ice cream (although that’s not to say you shouldn’t have a serving, or two).

5. Find a midwife or physician who supports you.

This step is critical. Make sure that you’re working with someone who also sees the benefits of a natural childbirth and who’s willing to support you and your goals and beliefs. Additionally, it helps if you actually just like and “click” with your midwife or doctor, because this person will be acting as a coach to you when the time comes.

6. Check out Hypnobabies.

Admittedly, much of this excellent CD series was so much like my yoga and meditation practice that I didn’t spend the amount of time with it that’s generally recommended, but I’ve talked with so many mothers who used Hypnobabies with their natural birth process.

Essentially, you’ll learn valuable techniques to empower you and fill you with excitement of the process, and this is hugely important because the more relaxed you are, the more successful you’re likely to be. (Fear and anxiety gripped muscles are not conducive to natural childbirth.)

Another perk of Hypnobabies is that it helps teach you pain management—no drugs required.

7. Have a support system.

I was lucky that my husband was the perfect candidate. Moreover, this might mean excluding people too.

I chose not to let anyone know we had our baby until after the fact. I didn’t want people there, in the room or wandering the halls, and knowing that I had my perfect bubble of an environment—the one that I’d created with my midwife, my husband, and my iPod—was definitely one of the reasons that my birth plan worked well.

8. Stay away from dramatic stories.

You do not need to read about other people’s dramas, in or out of the hospital room.

Yes, be prepared for the reality that it might not go as you’d envisioned, but remember to filter the information you take in. Consider that you’re preparing yourself for the marathon of all marathons—and you need to take in positive things that pump you up, not emotional roller-coasters that play on your sensitive emotions.

9. Read helpful stories of other natural births and pregnancies.

Not everyone out there had a bad labor experience and some women love being pregnant (ahem).

Listening to just one extraordinarily uplifting story might be exactly the thing you need to amp up your spirits for your (and your baby’s) big day.

10. Stop being afraid!

Fear will prevent an easy child birth. It is not something that supports you in anyway.

Address your concerns and make adequate preparations for any real issues that might arise, but, equally, trust that your body will know what to do when the time comes.

11. Expect twists and turns.

This is true not just of childbirth, but of parenthood. I can’t tell you how many things I would never do as a parent that, when put in my own actual life, did not stick, and the reverse is true too.

For me, my first baby required hospital care and I personally wouldn’t choose a non-hospital experience for my subsequent babies because of this. The point is this: we can never truly know how we’ll react until we’re actually placed in the situation ourselves. On top of this, shit happens. So be prepared for a little shit, as well as for joy.

12. Motivation.

Why do you want a natural childbirth?

If having a natural labor and delivery experience is something you feel like you should be doing, but you’re heart’s not in it, then you might eventually find yourself in a difficult situation.

Because a natural birth isn’t for everyone, but if it’s for you, then congratulations—you’re joining countless women who have found birth to be something to celebrate and find beauty in.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~ Rajneesh

Photo credit: Author’s own.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Considering Natural Childbirth? Read These 12 Pieces of Advice. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

‎”Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment.”

~ the I Ching

Pregnancy is often portrayed as an illness.

Pregnancy “symptoms” fill our Google searches and horrific movie labor scenes, our brains.

Yet being pregnant is glorious—it’s something to worship and feel reverent and excited about—not nervous and annoyed with.

And it’s true—it’s absolutely true that it comes with bodily side effects, changes and new experiences.

I’m within my second pregnancy and, already, it’s nothing like my first, but there is one thing that’s exactly the same—my enjoyment of what I’m moving through.

Yes, I have nausea (although not as badly as my first) and fatigue (a little more challenging with a toddler hugging my legs), but I’m also feeling my abdomen swell—and my heart swell too—because growing a tiny human within your own being is nothing short of miraculous and blissful.

So here are a few of the lesser discussed pregnancy “symptoms:”

1. A total captivation with the perfect person being created, without an official introduction.

2. A fun obsession with saying names you like aloud when no one else is around; noticing the way it rolls off your tongue and the way it chimes with your last name.

3. Placing hands over expanding belly and knowing that the impressive growth of your beating heart is what you should be measuring.

4. Some might say you glow because a pregnant body produces 50 percent more blood—you say it’s because you’ve never been happier in your life.

5. Does it really matter if you’re bloated? There’s a person inside of you.

6. There’s no complete way to describe the elation a mother feels when she hears her baby’s heart beat for the first time at the doctor’s office.

7. You might feel exhausted during your first trimester, but, hey, your body is also developing a placenta to nourish and support your baby while you share your body.

8. Not every pregnancy is wonderful—just like not every delivery or early parenting experience is easy—but the reverse of this is true: some of us like being pregnant.

So, expectant mamas, know that we’re not all doomed to agonizing over every physical change, and, equally, that labor isn’t always like the movies.

Actually, I was in labor with my first child and didn’t even realize it because I anticipated the screaming and drama I’d witnessed in films.

Nope, my labor didn’t look like wailing; rather it was more like grilling dinner outside with my husband and taking recycling to the drop-off center and, when my water broke in what is apparently a more typical movie-like gush, I took a shower and calmly packed my bags afterward. (I actually tried to go back to sleep, as it happened in the middle of the night.)

And, who knows, maybe this time around will be vastly different—I’m definitely going into this with a wide-open heart and mind—but I’m taking with me the knowledge of generations of women before me, and of friends and their unique stories too.

Because pregnancy is not an illness and it’s not something to complain about and seek sympathy for.

Each and every individual on this planet, past and present, is an added piece of a rich history of pregnancy and childbirth and humanity, and, because the loudest, squeakiest wheel frequently gets the cliched grease, we hear too much about the difficulties and trials—and too little about the joyful, round women walking among us.

There are many who have smooth, uncomplicated pregnancies with nothing but pure awe pouring out of our hearts and mouths (when people ask us how we are)—although this isn’t to pretend that there aren’t occasional grievances or disruptions, but for many of us, these aren’t the focus.

Like life, attention can be mindfully given to all of the benefits happening inside of your world—and your body—during pregnancy.

 “Giving birth should be your greatest achievement not your greatest fear.”

~ Jane Weideman

Photo: TipsTimesAdmin/Flickr.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Pregnancy Isn’t Something to Complain About: 8 Empowering Reminders. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.