I want so many things for my children.

They aren’t what I typically hear other parents say.

I don’t fantasize about my children being grown up and married with kids. I don’t daydream that they’ll have good paying jobs. I don’t envision them always bringing home As.

This isn’t to say that I don’t want these things for my girls, or that these aren’t lovely aspirations. But what I want for my kids is much simpler.

I want things like this:

I want them to be honest. I want them to be so honest that sometimes they feel they’ve shared and bared too much.

I want them to be confident. I want them to know (and demand) their worth.

I want them to find happiness. I want my children to continue to see joy in seemingly insignificant hiding places inside of our ordinary lives.

I want them to know that they are not ordinary. I want them to understand that none of us are—we are all special and valuable in our own heroic ways.

I want them to take care of their bodies. I want them to recognize that we eat healthy foods and move our bodies because they house our souls.

I want them to love. I want them to know that learning to show and receive love begins within ourselves.

I want them to work. I do hope that they have enjoyable jobs that support a good life, but what I want so much more than this is for my children to appreciate that life requires effort—to appreciate working hard at everything we do regardless of potential rewards.

I want them to be proud. I don’t mean pride as in arrogance or conceit. Rather, I refer to pride in who they are as individuals—I want them to refuse to allow society’s judgments or stigmas to color their own self-perception and, more, their own sense of self-worth.

So, yes, I want many things for my children. Yet none of these things come with price tags, paper certificates or even public recognition.

Because it’s true that a life well lived begins with knowing who we are, and accepting what we find.

Photo: Pink Sherbet Photography/Flickr.

The post I Don’t Care If My Kids Get Married & Have Kids, but I Care about This. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

Her heart spills sunshine from every nook and cranny.

She is the epitome of love—the fabled girl with a golden heart, filled with beauty and, more importantly, a well of true kindness.

She sings from her soul, as she creates different shapes and story gestures with her tiny hands—making diamonds with her index fingers and thumbs; opening and closing her tiny fists for stars.

She breathes beauty—seeing the best in people and the world—and she exhales joy and verve.

Her smile makes my heart stop and her gracious, grinning eyes make my own water. She stares deeply into anther person’s face, sometimes grasping it between two small palms, and she observes the souls of others as some people do wrinkles and make-up.

I’ve witnessed the judgment already present in other kids of her age and, in her, I see none. She’s thoughtful and serious—at times, I can see her depth of thought written on her lowered eyebrows and her gently puckered mouth—but it’s not with the same needless—and thoughtless—discrimination that is so easily witnessed in humanity of all ages.

She reaches for my hand and pulls me towards her. I kneel down to hug her and she softly kisses my lips. And then she looks at me and smiles and she’s off playing again—she has no idea of the love that she has swelled within my fragile mother’s breast.

Tears trickle down my cheeks.

I think of how much I would pray, if I believed in genuflecting for what we want instead of for simple gratitude, for her to grow healthfully and happily while remaining so humanly honest and sweet-natured.

Life brings all people sorrows and challenges, but, as my husband reminded me last night, the biggest liability is a bad attitude, and that, I can’t see her possessing.

How gorgeous the world would be if I saw it through her tender but curious eyes.

And it’s not childhood—I remember being a child, and I was not this way.

And it’s not lack of trials—she’s already had her fair share.

And it’s not my good parenting—this is inherent within her being.

But I will go on loving this soft soul that’s been so generously lent to me while I’m here. I will continue helping her thrive in all the ways that a mother is able.

More, I will benefit from the affectionate generosity that’s been gifted to me in my own life, in the form of a cherubic little girl, for the rest of my days because one secret of parenthood, perhaps not so well kept:

They will always be our babies.

Photos: Author’s own.

The post She Will Always Be My Baby. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

I’ve been a bit of a grump lately.

I’m sure it’s partly hormonal (I’m pregnant after all), but it’s also the reality that my life with this second impending birth isn’t the same as it was with my first.

Which is great. I wouldn’t change anything about my life—anything—and I sincerely mean that, but romance and love as a parent is notoriously different than it is for childless couples.

Like many women, I miss the touch of my husband whenever I want it, not whenever it’s possible.

I miss those early mornings when we stayed in bed until noon—and then ate and climbed back in.

Yet I really do love being a mother.

Sure, sometimes I wish that I had more time by myself, but I always did (I’ve always needed a large space of alone time within the structure of my days, for as social as I am).

And then I heard this song.

It’s one of my favorites, and it describes perfectly how love can be so easily affected by work, by outsiders, by life. 

It inspired me to create this list of love songs, not just for my husband, but for anyone who finds themselves arguing with the one they love when all they want to do is kiss passionately; for the lovers who disagree about money; for long-term relationships who know that their love really can and will go the distance, but who still get frustrated with circumstance.

Here goes.

So, baby, I love you—and don’t forget it. (Even when I’m a pregnant grump.)

Photo credits: Author’s own; fruity monkey/Flickr.

The post A Love Playlist for the Father of my Child. {Videos} first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

My first child was born naturally.

And, no, that doesn’t mean I had her at home.

Rather, she was born in the birthing center of a local hospital, and I had no medications. I let my body do the work while my midwife provided wonderful guidance and support. (My husband was pretty great too.)

And I’ve had essentially three different reactions to my sharing that I had not so much as a Tylenol throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery.

One, other women look at me with shocked horror clearly exposed on their faces, saying something along the lines of “I would never do that. Give me the drugs;” two, women say that they also had beautiful natural labor experiences or, three, I’ve had some women appear jealous or a little sad because they weren’t lucky enough to have had natural childbirth as an option. (Cesareans exist for a reason, after all.)

So, with my expectant mother’s tummy filled with another growing life, I can’t help but hopefully contemplate my upcoming renewal of this experience and, likewise, reflect on the positive experience that I had—and what steps were taken to arrive there.

I’d like to share some personal tips that helped me, and I’d like to you to also keep in mind that this advice is from the experience of a mother, not a physician.

1. It is not your birth.

Women get so hung up on the pain aspect of labor and, to be fair, it’s practically shoved at us.

I choose to view my labor and delivery as my child’s experience, not mine, and this helped me view it as an act of maternal love instead of a wailing struggle.

2. Breathe.

If you practice yoga, don’t stop. Learn safe modifications, but do not stop your practice. If you’ve never practiced yoga then find a properly certified teacher to guide you through a prenatal class. The breath work that’s taught in yoga class is a priceless tool for the delivery room.

3. Exercise.

Do not use your pregnancy as an excuse to sit around.

Relax and rest, of course, and nap if you can, but exercise. Your body will need to be strong, and even flexible, during childbirth, and now is the time to prepare.

4. Eat well.

Ideally you’re already eating well for your baby, but what about for you? You’ll feel your best when filling your body with unprocessed, healthy food.

Again, pregnancy is not a reason to eat an entire carton of ice cream (although that’s not to say you shouldn’t have a serving, or two).

5. Find a midwife or physician who supports you.

This step is critical. Make sure that you’re working with someone who also sees the benefits of a natural childbirth and who’s willing to support you and your goals and beliefs. Additionally, it helps if you actually just like and “click” with your midwife or doctor, because this person will be acting as a coach to you when the time comes.

6. Check out Hypnobabies.

Admittedly, much of this excellent CD series was so much like my yoga and meditation practice that I didn’t spend the amount of time with it that’s generally recommended, but I’ve talked with so many mothers who used Hypnobabies with their natural birth process.

Essentially, you’ll learn valuable techniques to empower you and fill you with excitement of the process, and this is hugely important because the more relaxed you are, the more successful you’re likely to be. (Fear and anxiety gripped muscles are not conducive to natural childbirth.)

Another perk of Hypnobabies is that it helps teach you pain management—no drugs required.

7. Have a support system.

I was lucky that my husband was the perfect candidate. Moreover, this might mean excluding people too.

I chose not to let anyone know we had our baby until after the fact. I didn’t want people there, in the room or wandering the halls, and knowing that I had my perfect bubble of an environment—the one that I’d created with my midwife, my husband, and my iPod—was definitely one of the reasons that my birth plan worked well.

8. Stay away from dramatic stories.

You do not need to read about other people’s dramas, in or out of the hospital room.

Yes, be prepared for the reality that it might not go as you’d envisioned, but remember to filter the information you take in. Consider that you’re preparing yourself for the marathon of all marathons—and you need to take in positive things that pump you up, not emotional roller-coasters that play on your sensitive emotions.

9. Read helpful stories of other natural births and pregnancies.

Not everyone out there had a bad labor experience and some women love being pregnant (ahem).

Listening to just one extraordinarily uplifting story might be exactly the thing you need to amp up your spirits for your (and your baby’s) big day.

10. Stop being afraid!

Fear will prevent an easy child birth. It is not something that supports you in anyway.

Address your concerns and make adequate preparations for any real issues that might arise, but, equally, trust that your body will know what to do when the time comes.

11. Expect twists and turns.

This is true not just of childbirth, but of parenthood. I can’t tell you how many things I would never do as a parent that, when put in my own actual life, did not stick, and the reverse is true too.

For me, my first baby required hospital care and I personally wouldn’t choose a non-hospital experience for my subsequent babies because of this. The point is this: we can never truly know how we’ll react until we’re actually placed in the situation ourselves. On top of this, shit happens. So be prepared for a little shit, as well as for joy.

12. Motivation.

Why do you want a natural childbirth?

If having a natural labor and delivery experience is something you feel like you should be doing, but you’re heart’s not in it, then you might eventually find yourself in a difficult situation.

Because a natural birth isn’t for everyone, but if it’s for you, then congratulations—you’re joining countless women who have found birth to be something to celebrate and find beauty in.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~ Rajneesh

Photo credit: Author’s own.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Considering Natural Childbirth? Read These 12 Pieces of Advice. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.