I know people mean well when they say the “baby phase” goes quickly.

I know they mean to both remind parents with little kids to seek out daily joy and also to provide comfort by pointing out that these particular hardships won’t last.

But …

These difficulties will turn into new ones. Kids, and people, will always face adversity in life, just like there’s always something special and wondrous present in each day.

But when we’re inside of this space with little kids — having to choose between spending time with our spouse and getting enough sleep; fighting little people to put on pants; showing them how to go to the bathroom in the potty while simultaneously never getting to use the bathroom alone ourselves ― it’s easy to offer tidy, pretty statements like “enjoy it” without genuinely offering worthwhile help or guidance.

Life isn’t always neat and tidy. Usually it’s not. Parenthood, of all life’s experiences, easily offers the most daunting responsibility, sheer happiness, and challenge.

Of course we know it “won’t last forever.” We know, too, our kids will grow and we’ll miss these days when they were so fully dependent on us. For me, this awareness amplifies these feelings of frustration and stress rather than alleviating them.

Right now I’m trying to get my toddler out of the house for an errand, and my 2-year-old won’t put on pants.

She. Will. Not. Put. On. Pants.

I’m close to giving up and letting her run pants-less around the house instead.

And it’s funny, isn’t it? This image of a grown-ass woman struggling to get clothes on a child? You have to laugh. I have to laugh. But still, the word “struggling” best describes how I feel in this moment.

I inhale deeply, and walk away from my toddler sitting on the living room carpet in only a diaper. I walk away. I remind myself she’s asserting her independence, and how I react to this assertion sets up not only the theme of our parent-child relationship, but how she learns to have disagreements with the world around her.

I’m not a good example most of the time ― that’s how it feels.

It feels like I yell, and I never wanted to be the parent that yells, yet here I am doing exactly this sometimes. It feels like I don’t have patience. It feels like I’m not doing a good enough job as a mom.

But I know I am. And I have to keep looking for where I shine as often and as freely as I look for where I need to improve.

I know that people mean well when they say things like “The baby phase doesn’t last forever” or “It goes so fast.” Perhaps the better words to share, though, are simply: “You’re doing a great job.”

The post People Mean Well When They Say the ‘Baby Phase’ Goes Fast, But… first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

“If I could, I would.”

A dad’s role in breastfeeding a child can be crucial.

Nursing mothers need support and help, especially if there are other children besides the newborn.

Research into the father’s place in a nursing family is relatively new. However, studies are showing that a dad’s positive attitude and helping hands can encourage both the mother’s experience and how long she nurses the baby overall.

Photographer Hector Cruz noticed that his wife was struggling with nursing their new child. He felt helpless and wished so badly that he could just nurse the baby for her. And Project Breastfeeding was born.

Cruz realized quickly when he stepped into help that breastfeeding is a team effort—so he founded Project Breastfeeding, who’s mission is to “destigmatize public breastfeeding, educate men and empower women.”

He also put his photography skills to great use by campaigning with images of men holding their infants in traditional breastfeeding postures.

Go here for more inspiring images, and watch this video for more information on both the project and how you can get involved.

Photos: Courtesy of Project Breastfeeding, visit on Facebook.

The post Dads Breastfeeding? How These Images Hope to Change Families. {Video} first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

My first child was born naturally.

And, no, that doesn’t mean I had her at home.

Rather, she was born in the birthing center of a local hospital, and I had no medications. I let my body do the work while my midwife provided wonderful guidance and support. (My husband was pretty great too.)

And I’ve had essentially three different reactions to my sharing that I had not so much as a Tylenol throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery.

One, other women look at me with shocked horror clearly exposed on their faces, saying something along the lines of “I would never do that. Give me the drugs;” two, women say that they also had beautiful natural labor experiences or, three, I’ve had some women appear jealous or a little sad because they weren’t lucky enough to have had natural childbirth as an option. (Cesareans exist for a reason, after all.)

So, with my expectant mother’s tummy filled with another growing life, I can’t help but hopefully contemplate my upcoming renewal of this experience and, likewise, reflect on the positive experience that I had—and what steps were taken to arrive there.

I’d like to share some personal tips that helped me, and I’d like to you to also keep in mind that this advice is from the experience of a mother, not a physician.

1. It is not your birth.

Women get so hung up on the pain aspect of labor and, to be fair, it’s practically shoved at us.

I choose to view my labor and delivery as my child’s experience, not mine, and this helped me view it as an act of maternal love instead of a wailing struggle.

2. Breathe.

If you practice yoga, don’t stop. Learn safe modifications, but do not stop your practice. If you’ve never practiced yoga then find a properly certified teacher to guide you through a prenatal class. The breath work that’s taught in yoga class is a priceless tool for the delivery room.

3. Exercise.

Do not use your pregnancy as an excuse to sit around.

Relax and rest, of course, and nap if you can, but exercise. Your body will need to be strong, and even flexible, during childbirth, and now is the time to prepare.

4. Eat well.

Ideally you’re already eating well for your baby, but what about for you? You’ll feel your best when filling your body with unprocessed, healthy food.

Again, pregnancy is not a reason to eat an entire carton of ice cream (although that’s not to say you shouldn’t have a serving, or two).

5. Find a midwife or physician who supports you.

This step is critical. Make sure that you’re working with someone who also sees the benefits of a natural childbirth and who’s willing to support you and your goals and beliefs. Additionally, it helps if you actually just like and “click” with your midwife or doctor, because this person will be acting as a coach to you when the time comes.

6. Check out Hypnobabies.

Admittedly, much of this excellent CD series was so much like my yoga and meditation practice that I didn’t spend the amount of time with it that’s generally recommended, but I’ve talked with so many mothers who used Hypnobabies with their natural birth process.

Essentially, you’ll learn valuable techniques to empower you and fill you with excitement of the process, and this is hugely important because the more relaxed you are, the more successful you’re likely to be. (Fear and anxiety gripped muscles are not conducive to natural childbirth.)

Another perk of Hypnobabies is that it helps teach you pain management—no drugs required.

7. Have a support system.

I was lucky that my husband was the perfect candidate. Moreover, this might mean excluding people too.

I chose not to let anyone know we had our baby until after the fact. I didn’t want people there, in the room or wandering the halls, and knowing that I had my perfect bubble of an environment—the one that I’d created with my midwife, my husband, and my iPod—was definitely one of the reasons that my birth plan worked well.

8. Stay away from dramatic stories.

You do not need to read about other people’s dramas, in or out of the hospital room.

Yes, be prepared for the reality that it might not go as you’d envisioned, but remember to filter the information you take in. Consider that you’re preparing yourself for the marathon of all marathons—and you need to take in positive things that pump you up, not emotional roller-coasters that play on your sensitive emotions.

9. Read helpful stories of other natural births and pregnancies.

Not everyone out there had a bad labor experience and some women love being pregnant (ahem).

Listening to just one extraordinarily uplifting story might be exactly the thing you need to amp up your spirits for your (and your baby’s) big day.

10. Stop being afraid!

Fear will prevent an easy child birth. It is not something that supports you in anyway.

Address your concerns and make adequate preparations for any real issues that might arise, but, equally, trust that your body will know what to do when the time comes.

11. Expect twists and turns.

This is true not just of childbirth, but of parenthood. I can’t tell you how many things I would never do as a parent that, when put in my own actual life, did not stick, and the reverse is true too.

For me, my first baby required hospital care and I personally wouldn’t choose a non-hospital experience for my subsequent babies because of this. The point is this: we can never truly know how we’ll react until we’re actually placed in the situation ourselves. On top of this, shit happens. So be prepared for a little shit, as well as for joy.

12. Motivation.

Why do you want a natural childbirth?

If having a natural labor and delivery experience is something you feel like you should be doing, but you’re heart’s not in it, then you might eventually find yourself in a difficult situation.

Because a natural birth isn’t for everyone, but if it’s for you, then congratulations—you’re joining countless women who have found birth to be something to celebrate and find beauty in.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~ Rajneesh

Photo credit: Author’s own.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Considering Natural Childbirth? Read These 12 Pieces of Advice. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

‎”Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment.”

~ the I Ching

Pregnancy is often portrayed as an illness.

Pregnancy “symptoms” fill our Google searches and horrific movie labor scenes, our brains.

Yet being pregnant is glorious—it’s something to worship and feel reverent and excited about—not nervous and annoyed with.

And it’s true—it’s absolutely true that it comes with bodily side effects, changes and new experiences.

I’m within my second pregnancy and, already, it’s nothing like my first, but there is one thing that’s exactly the same—my enjoyment of what I’m moving through.

Yes, I have nausea (although not as badly as my first) and fatigue (a little more challenging with a toddler hugging my legs), but I’m also feeling my abdomen swell—and my heart swell too—because growing a tiny human within your own being is nothing short of miraculous and blissful.

So here are a few of the lesser discussed pregnancy “symptoms:”

1. A total captivation with the perfect person being created, without an official introduction.

2. A fun obsession with saying names you like aloud when no one else is around; noticing the way it rolls off your tongue and the way it chimes with your last name.

3. Placing hands over expanding belly and knowing that the impressive growth of your beating heart is what you should be measuring.

4. Some might say you glow because a pregnant body produces 50 percent more blood—you say it’s because you’ve never been happier in your life.

5. Does it really matter if you’re bloated? There’s a person inside of you.

6. There’s no complete way to describe the elation a mother feels when she hears her baby’s heart beat for the first time at the doctor’s office.

7. You might feel exhausted during your first trimester, but, hey, your body is also developing a placenta to nourish and support your baby while you share your body.

8. Not every pregnancy is wonderful—just like not every delivery or early parenting experience is easy—but the reverse of this is true: some of us like being pregnant.

So, expectant mamas, know that we’re not all doomed to agonizing over every physical change, and, equally, that labor isn’t always like the movies.

Actually, I was in labor with my first child and didn’t even realize it because I anticipated the screaming and drama I’d witnessed in films.

Nope, my labor didn’t look like wailing; rather it was more like grilling dinner outside with my husband and taking recycling to the drop-off center and, when my water broke in what is apparently a more typical movie-like gush, I took a shower and calmly packed my bags afterward. (I actually tried to go back to sleep, as it happened in the middle of the night.)

And, who knows, maybe this time around will be vastly different—I’m definitely going into this with a wide-open heart and mind—but I’m taking with me the knowledge of generations of women before me, and of friends and their unique stories too.

Because pregnancy is not an illness and it’s not something to complain about and seek sympathy for.

Each and every individual on this planet, past and present, is an added piece of a rich history of pregnancy and childbirth and humanity, and, because the loudest, squeakiest wheel frequently gets the cliched grease, we hear too much about the difficulties and trials—and too little about the joyful, round women walking among us.

There are many who have smooth, uncomplicated pregnancies with nothing but pure awe pouring out of our hearts and mouths (when people ask us how we are)—although this isn’t to pretend that there aren’t occasional grievances or disruptions, but for many of us, these aren’t the focus.

Like life, attention can be mindfully given to all of the benefits happening inside of your world—and your body—during pregnancy.

 “Giving birth should be your greatest achievement not your greatest fear.”

~ Jane Weideman

Photo: TipsTimesAdmin/Flickr.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Pregnancy Isn’t Something to Complain About: 8 Empowering Reminders. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.