The post 35 Life Lessons From a Toddler. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.
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Recently my toddler turned 2 years old. Like many parents, I feel I’ve learned more from watching my kids grow up than they’ve learned from me.
Here are 35 pieces of wisdom I learned from my toddler, all in one day:
1. Crying really does work better than screaming. But scream first anyways.
2. Fruit snacks are the best choice at any time of day.
3. When you’re overheated, just take off your clothes. (It doesn’t matter where you are. See above picture, not taken at home.)
4. Seat belts are uncomfortably tight, but we have to wear them anyways. Regardless, make sure you yell in the car about your seat belt being too tight.
5. Car rides are too bumpy. Make sure Mom knows.
6. It’s impossible to walk by a grate in a parking lot and not jump on it.
7. Always choose the one with sequins.
8. Forgiving and making up after a fight doesn’t have to be hard. Just kiss and snuggle and say, “I’m sorry.”
9. It’s important to communicate our needs. When we can’t, the next best thing is to toss yourself on the floor and cry.
10. Mommy is a fruit snacks dispenser. Or at least she should be.
11. A big sister is the best. Except for when I want to play with every single one of her favorite toys and she actually wants one for herself.
12. I don’t have to kiss or hug anyone I don’t want to.
13. Candy from strangers is only OK on Halloween, even though that’s still kind of confusing.
14. Adding 750 different grains to a bread makes it both healthier and more disgusting.
15. Tissues are actually for fingertips.
16. The best place to sneeze is on Mom’s face.
17. As for throwing up: always choose the softest place to puke. Examples in order of preference, from least acceptable to most: bowl, carpet, Mom’s hands.
18. Experiment with which feet you like your shoes on. Stay strong in your choice no matter what.
19. Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wet grass even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.
20. Tutus go with everything. Everything. Everything.
21. Dad’s the sucker. Go to him first, and then again after Mom says “no.”
22. Don’t let a single day go by without the people you love most knowing it. Or without screaming at them for no real reason either.
23. Encourage Mom to shop at stores that give you stickers.
24. Every day is a new start—and a new opportunity to ask for fruit snacks for breakfast.
25. The secret to making sure Mom stays off her phone and plays with you is to consistently cry loudly whenever she makes a phone call.
26. When your parents kiss, they like it if you stand right between their legs.
27. Restaurants are so much fun. I don’t know why Mom and Dad don’t take me out to eat more.
28. For some reason, Mom always needs company when she goes to the bathroom.
29. The best things in life are free—hugs, spending time with my family, going outside. So I don’t know why Daddy has to leave and go to work every day.
30. Fix everything with tape. Lots of it. Like, lots. (And when Mom says the tape is broken, ask her for tape.)
31. Trying new things is fun. Unless the “new thing” is a vegetable.
32. Don’t ask Mom where hot dogs really come from.
33. Making people laugh is awesome. If someone does think you’re funny, do whatever made them laugh 10 more times.
34. Poop goes in the potty. And in the bathtub.
35. My family is the best. I love them so much. They love me so much. They make every day worth getting up for. At 6 in the morning, even on weekends.
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]]>The post 6 Battles I’m Glad I Stopped Picking With My Toddler. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.
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Parenting is exactly why the phrase “pick your battles” was invented.
However, not everything has to be a battleground. Instead, some aspects of raising children can be frustrating, and also healthy teaching tools for both our kids to learn independence and for us to learn how to let go of a little bit of control.
My toddler and I are both happier since I started letting her do these six things:
1. Make messes.
My toddler likes stickers. A lot. She likes to put them all over the carpet. It drives my husband nuts, but I’ve finally realized that her enjoyment of them is a battle to not choose.
Messes that aren’t permanent or hard to clean up ― especially those where I get 7 minutes of a happy kid and 7 minutes of time to sip hot, or at least lukewarm, coffee in relative peace ― are worth letting happen.
Allowing my toddler and my 6-year-old to make messes in a healthy way ― like through art or learning how to eat a new food ― is something that’s a normal part of childhood and parenting.
While it’s occasionally challenging for me to watch ice cream melt all over hands and clothes and act like I don’t care, kids, and people, learn by actively doing something; by making mistakes (aka messes).
2. Let go of my hand.
My oldest likes holding my hand. My youngest ― my toddler ― has always, always wanted to “do things I-self.”
There are places she should hold my hand ― in a crowded parking lot, or going up and down our dangerous basement stairs. Other times ― when the worst that could happen is she runs a little ways away and I chase after her, or she sits down in a store aisle ― these are instances I’m learning are healthy for me to let go of a little control.
I am in charge, but she is a separate person from me. I want her to learn how to assert her strength and independence while in safe environments.
3. Cry.
This one, frankly, sucks.
My toddler cries easily and often, which is another way she’s different from her big sister. It’s been a brand-new learning experience for me, and another great lesson in how wonderfully different we are as individuals. But loud, volatile toddler crying is a great way to be buying the extra large bottle of Excedrin.
Nonetheless, she needs to cry sometimes, and I need to find the strength and earplugs to let her.
Like when she wants fruit snacks for breakfast (every day for two weeks).
Or when she needs to just cry and let out the emotions she doesn’t completely understand or can’t articulate.
I’ve also found there are times to comfort her, and others that present great opportunities to teach her how to healthfully self-soothe (like the deep belly breathing we’re working on together).
The hardest part, aside from hearing my little kid wail, is knowing when it’s appropriate (and, in this case, we know our children best).
4. Get my attention.
Semi hand-in-hand with the above suggestion is realizing my toddler sometimes throws tantrums because she simply wants my attention. She needs me to remember that many of the “important” things I have going on outside of her and her needs can wait, at least for a minute, at least for a good hug.
Which leads me to…
5. Get me off my phone.
This is a ginormously important consideration for modern parents. For those of us parenting in this age of smartphones, we need to be mindful of our phone usage; of how it affects our kids. Particularly, that they are learning this delicate art of communication from us, including the importance of giving others our full attention.
This, for me, is harder than I wish it was. I remind myself every day to put my phone down, not “mmm-hmmm” or “OK, honey” over my phone while I’m still paying more attention to a screen than my child.
6. Do things herself, no matter how long it takes.
This one, in all honesty, often has more to do with my own impatience and desire to speed things up than it does her capacity or desire to do things by herself.
Still, letting my kids put on their own shoes ― even if it takes them 76 times longer than it would if I did it ― is how they’ll learn. This is how they’ll learn not only to put on shoes, but to believe in their own capability.
My personal rule is they have to try things on their own first, and then I’ll help. For my toddler, this hasn’t really been difficult because she loves to do things by herself, but even this sassy kid has moments where she screams at me in frustration to put a puzzle piece in for her, and I have to encourage her try.
Because when she gets it, and I only helped by backing down a little bit, there’s nothing more special than a toddler’s ecstatic, “I did it! I did it, Mommy!”
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Wake up with the sun. Or, preferably, two hours before any sign of it.
Request fruit snacks. Wait, I don’t think Mom heard me—I asked for fruit snacks. Scream and beat pantry door for several minutes. I wonder why there’s a lock on this door anyway? (Remind myself to repeat this tomorrow, even though I’ve never actually gotten fruit snacks for breakfast.)
Ask for a TV show while Mom gets dressed. (Didn’t she wear that yesterday?) Act happy when she puts on what I wanted, but then immediately demand something different as soon as Mom has resumed putting on her mascara. (Repeat until Mom says, “Watch this or I’ll turn the TV off.”)
Now it’s time for a puzzle. I know—Mom says we have to go somewhere, but if she would just listen to me, I swear we can be done with this puzzle before we have to leave.
Mom wants to know what I’m supposed to say after I tell her, “I want puzzle.” She might mean that one word—please, or something—or maybe she just didn’t hear me the first time. I’ll try shouting. That’s what comes after.
“I WANT PUZZLE!”
Nope, she did mean “please.”
OK, good—Mom’s gotten the puzzle down. I still have time to quickly throw all of the pieces behind the couch.
Mom’s looking for my other shoe. Should I tell her I put it in the cupboard yesterday? Nah.
It’s finally time to go. Now is the perfect time to poop.
OK, it’s really finally time to go. I think I’ll get into my car seat without throwing a tantrum about leaving the book I really wanted upstairs. Nope, never mind—I’ll just throw the tantrum. This way, I can let her know I specifically needed the Winnie the Pooh book about learning to tell time. (I’m positive she’ll easily decipher this from my stiffening legs, shrill cries, and whimpers about “clocks.”)
We’ve arrived, and I only screamed a few times in the car (because I dropped my Winnie the Pooh book).
When she gets me out I’m going to hold Mom’s hand and walk gracefully with her through the parking lot. I’ll only try to sit down once. Maybe twice. Just to mix it up, I’ll cry because I want to sit in the cart instead of how I usually cry because I want to walk.
Well, that went well. Mom’s sweating a lot and her lips look tight, but all in all, I think that was a particularly good shopping trip. Time to go home for a snack.
Mom wants to workout a little while I have a snack. I think I’ll help her. I really like to do yoga poses with her, and I think I help her practice that deep yoga breathing when I throw my snack cup by her mat and remind her I wanted fruit snacks and not these crackers.
Mom says she’s done trying to workout so we can either do puzzles or books. I think I’ll pick puzzles—after she finds those missing pieces. Then, once it’s ready to be put back together, I’ll change my mind and say books. I wonder how many times in a row Mom will read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom?
Hey, Mom looks kind of upset. Maybe I should crawl in her lap and smoosh my face into hers and give her a big kiss.
Well, that seemed to help—except I think I squeezed a tear out of her. But she’s telling me how much she loves me and what a good girl I am, so that’s good news.
Hang on—if I’m such a good girl, I wonder if I should ask for some fruit snacks?
The post A Toddler’s Version of a Typical Morning With Mom. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.
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