“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy. So there ought to be one fairy for every boy or girl.”

~J.M. Barrie

From the moment you find out you’re pregnant to the instance that you hold your baby cozily in your arms for the first time, being a new mother is something that’s difficult to place into words.

Still, there are so many (unnecessary) anxiety-inducing myths about the process. Here, we’ll unmask a few.

1. You will be mortified if you poop on the delivery table.

Trust me, when you’re in labor you won’t care…at all. Please don’t spend the amount of time worrying about this that I did the first time around.

2. The pain will be unbearable.

To be fair, we all have different tolerances for pain. However, one thing that helped me get through the discomfort was remembering that it won’t last forever!

Read this for some additional tips.

3. There will be something wrong with your baby.

For one, the probability is high that your baby will be healthy (and all of those prenatal check-ups and screenings help ensure this too), but the simple reality is that if something is wrong with your baby after you give birth, worrying about it beforehand will not help.

4. You won’t be able to nurse.

I actually didn’t think this would be a problem for me—and it was.

My mother-in-law (thankfully a wonderful lactation consultant) and I worked for weeks and weeks to get my daughter to latch on properly and for nursing to be an easy experience, for both my daughter and myself.

And, yes, it took work and, yes, I think I spent the first month or so topless in my house, but it was worth it because she became a breastfeeding pro and we didn’t wean her until two years old.

(Tip: seek professional help, like that of a lactation consultant, if you have any questions and concerns—that’s what they’re there for.)

5. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

To this day, this is hands down the dumbest piece of advice I’ve heard.

The only people who will tell you this are parents who are so far removed from the process that they don’t remember why they didn’t follow it themselves. Because you will be tired and you will want to nap—and I’m not discouraging your own rest—but, for me personally, I found much more relief from fatigue by practicing yoga or exercising while my daughter napped.

6. You will be a horrible mother.

This is my own observation, but moms who worry about how good they’ll be are often the ones who really care about the job. In my opinion, this is a huge plus towards being a stellar parent.

7. Nursing is birth control.

For some, this is true. For others, not so much.  Click on the link in red above to learn more about nursing as a birth control option.

8. You will know you’re in labor.

Well, I thought I was in labor the night before I had my child, but I wasn’t positive because it was nothing like the dramatic movie scenes I’d witnessed.

I remember telling my husband things like, I might actually have to cancel my six a.m. yoga class if I still feel like this tomorrow. (A big, big deal for me then.)

Yet I wasn’t sure I was in labor—until my water broke. Honestly, though, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I put my feet up and drank water. I went to bed early and then took a shower and packed my hospital bag after my water did break.

Point: know the lesser labor symptoms, like upset stomach or diarrhea.

9. You won’t make it to the hospital.

I personally wasn’t afraid of this, but many expectant mothers are.

You are almost guaranteed to make it to the hospital. I actually had a very short labor and delivery and I still made it to the hospital.

Having said that, I wanted to be at home as long as I could. I had no desire to be one of those mothers hanging out in the birthing center before I needed to. One thing that I decided to do in order to help myself relax at home was create a list of things for my hospital bag and then, after my water broke, I slowly packed my bag while checking items off. If you find that you’re overly concerned about making it to the hospital, prepare your luggage in advance and call your doctor at any signs of impending labor.

10. You’ll spend a fortune on maternity clothes.

Okay, maybe you will and maybe you want to. Me? I didn’t want to. Tunic tops, loose dresses and leggings are all great options (and wonderfully comfy clothing choices for after the birth too).

11. You need all the crap on the Babies ‘R’ Us register.

Repeat after me: No. You. Don’t.

Not shockingly, the lists of things you’ll need handed out in baby stores where you can register for gift items are…trying to sell you stuff!

Obviously, you will need new baby items, and these things will vary from mother to mother and from baby to baby as well, but here’s my advice: if you don’t think you’ll need it, skip it. (You can always purchase it later.)

12. Pregnant sex is weird.

I recently read a story about a celebrity saying that her husband thinks pregnancy sex is “weird.” It made me furious! Maybe some men are like this, but surely not all men. Feeling sexy and desirable during pregnancy not only encourages you to love your gorgeous, voluptuous body, but having sex is a natural and positive experience for expecting couples to share. If your spouse does have concerns, talk about them openly.

13. Sex induces labor.

Exercise and walking are commonly thought of as the go-to labor inducing act, but guess what? Sex is better.

This is all thanks to the effects of prostaglandins and Oxytocin, both necessities of labor.

14. Your vagina will permanently change.

Oh, how I wish someone had been blunt with me about this one.

Absolutely expect your vagina to be stretched, sore and just plain weird after a vaginal birth—but also expect these dramatic changes to not last. Remember, your entire body is made to stretch and expand for your baby’s birth.

My personal favorite analogy: are men afraid of having their penises permanently affected by erections?

Regardless, if you want to help ensure your pre-baby vaginal state, then do your Kegels, both before and after having your baby.

So there you have it, a few myths and fears debunked and squelched.

Do you, or did you, have any concerns about your labor, delivery or early parenthood experiences? Share them in the comments section below.

Photo: gabi menashe/Flickr.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Debunking 14 Labor, Delivery & Early Parenthood Myths & Fears. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.

My first child was born naturally.

And, no, that doesn’t mean I had her at home.

Rather, she was born in the birthing center of a local hospital, and I had no medications. I let my body do the work while my midwife provided wonderful guidance and support. (My husband was pretty great too.)

And I’ve had essentially three different reactions to my sharing that I had not so much as a Tylenol throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery.

One, other women look at me with shocked horror clearly exposed on their faces, saying something along the lines of “I would never do that. Give me the drugs;” two, women say that they also had beautiful natural labor experiences or, three, I’ve had some women appear jealous or a little sad because they weren’t lucky enough to have had natural childbirth as an option. (Cesareans exist for a reason, after all.)

So, with my expectant mother’s tummy filled with another growing life, I can’t help but hopefully contemplate my upcoming renewal of this experience and, likewise, reflect on the positive experience that I had—and what steps were taken to arrive there.

I’d like to share some personal tips that helped me, and I’d like to you to also keep in mind that this advice is from the experience of a mother, not a physician.

1. It is not your birth.

Women get so hung up on the pain aspect of labor and, to be fair, it’s practically shoved at us.

I choose to view my labor and delivery as my child’s experience, not mine, and this helped me view it as an act of maternal love instead of a wailing struggle.

2. Breathe.

If you practice yoga, don’t stop. Learn safe modifications, but do not stop your practice. If you’ve never practiced yoga then find a properly certified teacher to guide you through a prenatal class. The breath work that’s taught in yoga class is a priceless tool for the delivery room.

3. Exercise.

Do not use your pregnancy as an excuse to sit around.

Relax and rest, of course, and nap if you can, but exercise. Your body will need to be strong, and even flexible, during childbirth, and now is the time to prepare.

4. Eat well.

Ideally you’re already eating well for your baby, but what about for you? You’ll feel your best when filling your body with unprocessed, healthy food.

Again, pregnancy is not a reason to eat an entire carton of ice cream (although that’s not to say you shouldn’t have a serving, or two).

5. Find a midwife or physician who supports you.

This step is critical. Make sure that you’re working with someone who also sees the benefits of a natural childbirth and who’s willing to support you and your goals and beliefs. Additionally, it helps if you actually just like and “click” with your midwife or doctor, because this person will be acting as a coach to you when the time comes.

6. Check out Hypnobabies.

Admittedly, much of this excellent CD series was so much like my yoga and meditation practice that I didn’t spend the amount of time with it that’s generally recommended, but I’ve talked with so many mothers who used Hypnobabies with their natural birth process.

Essentially, you’ll learn valuable techniques to empower you and fill you with excitement of the process, and this is hugely important because the more relaxed you are, the more successful you’re likely to be. (Fear and anxiety gripped muscles are not conducive to natural childbirth.)

Another perk of Hypnobabies is that it helps teach you pain management—no drugs required.

7. Have a support system.

I was lucky that my husband was the perfect candidate. Moreover, this might mean excluding people too.

I chose not to let anyone know we had our baby until after the fact. I didn’t want people there, in the room or wandering the halls, and knowing that I had my perfect bubble of an environment—the one that I’d created with my midwife, my husband, and my iPod—was definitely one of the reasons that my birth plan worked well.

8. Stay away from dramatic stories.

You do not need to read about other people’s dramas, in or out of the hospital room.

Yes, be prepared for the reality that it might not go as you’d envisioned, but remember to filter the information you take in. Consider that you’re preparing yourself for the marathon of all marathons—and you need to take in positive things that pump you up, not emotional roller-coasters that play on your sensitive emotions.

9. Read helpful stories of other natural births and pregnancies.

Not everyone out there had a bad labor experience and some women love being pregnant (ahem).

Listening to just one extraordinarily uplifting story might be exactly the thing you need to amp up your spirits for your (and your baby’s) big day.

10. Stop being afraid!

Fear will prevent an easy child birth. It is not something that supports you in anyway.

Address your concerns and make adequate preparations for any real issues that might arise, but, equally, trust that your body will know what to do when the time comes.

11. Expect twists and turns.

This is true not just of childbirth, but of parenthood. I can’t tell you how many things I would never do as a parent that, when put in my own actual life, did not stick, and the reverse is true too.

For me, my first baby required hospital care and I personally wouldn’t choose a non-hospital experience for my subsequent babies because of this. The point is this: we can never truly know how we’ll react until we’re actually placed in the situation ourselves. On top of this, shit happens. So be prepared for a little shit, as well as for joy.

12. Motivation.

Why do you want a natural childbirth?

If having a natural labor and delivery experience is something you feel like you should be doing, but you’re heart’s not in it, then you might eventually find yourself in a difficult situation.

Because a natural birth isn’t for everyone, but if it’s for you, then congratulations—you’re joining countless women who have found birth to be something to celebrate and find beauty in.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~ Rajneesh

Photo credit: Author’s own.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

The post Considering Natural Childbirth? Read These 12 Pieces of Advice. first appeared on Jennifer S. White.