Parenting is exactly why the phrase \u201cpick your battles\u201d was invented.<\/p>\n

However, not everything has to be a battleground. Instead, some aspects of raising children can be frustrating, and also healthy teaching tools for both our kids to learn independence and for us to learn how to let go of a little bit of control.<\/p>\n

My toddler and I are both happier since I started letting her do these six things:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Make messes.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My toddler likes stickers. A lot. She likes to put them all over the carpet. It drives my husband nuts, but I\u2019ve finally realized that her enjoyment of them is a battle to not\u00a0<\/em>choose.<\/p>\n

Messes that aren\u2019t permanent or hard to clean up \u2015 especially those where I get 7 minutes of a happy kid and 7 minutes of time to sip hot, or at least lukewarm, coffee\u00a0in relative peace \u2015 are worth letting happen.<\/p>\n

Allowing my toddler and my 6-year-old to make messes in a healthy way \u2015 like through art or learning how to eat a new food \u2015 is something that\u2019s a normal part of childhood and parenting.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s occasionally challenging for me to watch ice cream melt all over hands and clothes and act like I don\u2019t care, kids, and people, learn by actively doing something; by making mistakes (aka messes).<\/p>\n

2. Let go of my hand.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My oldest likes<\/em> holding my hand. My youngest \u2015 my toddler \u2015 has always, always\u00a0<\/em>wanted to \u201cdo things I-self.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are places she should hold my hand \u2015 in a crowded parking lot, or going up and down our dangerous basement stairs. Other times \u2015 when the worst that could happen is she runs a little ways away and I chase after her, or she sits down in a store aisle \u2015 these are instances I\u2019m learning are healthy for me to let go of a little control.<\/p>\n

I am in charge, but she is a separate person from me. I want<\/em> her to learn how to assert her strength and independence while in safe environments.<\/p>\n

3. Cry.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This one, frankly, sucks.<\/p>\n

My toddler cries easily and often, which is another way she\u2019s different from her big sister. It\u2019s been a brand-new learning experience for me, and another great lesson in how wonderfully different we are as individuals. But loud, volatile toddler crying is a great way to be buying the extra large bottle of Excedrin.<\/p>\n

Nonetheless, she needs to cry sometimes, and I need to find the strength and earplugs to let her.<\/p>\n

Like when she wants fruit snacks for breakfast (every day for two weeks).<\/p>\n

Or when she needs to just cry and let out the emotions she doesn\u2019t completely understand or can\u2019t articulate.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also found there are times to comfort her, and others that present great opportunities to teach her how to healthfully self-soothe (like the deep belly breathing we\u2019re working on together).<\/p>\n

The hardest part, aside from hearing my little kid wail, is knowing when it\u2019s appropriate (and, in this case, we know our children best).<\/p>\n

4. Get my attention.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Semi hand-in-hand with the above suggestion is realizing my toddler sometimes throws tantrums because she simply wants my attention. She needs me to remember that many of the \u201cimportant\u201d things I have going on outside of her and her needs can wait, at least for a minute, at least for a good hug.<\/p>\n

Which leads me to…<\/p>\n

5. Get me off my phone.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a ginormously important consideration for modern parents. For those of us parenting in this age of smartphones, we need to be mindful of our phone usage; of how it affects our kids. Particularly, that they are learning this delicate art of communication from us, including the importance of giving others our full attention.<\/p>\n

This, for me, is harder than I wish it was. I remind myself every day to put my phone down, not \u201cmmm-hmmm\u201d or \u201cOK, honey\u201d over my phone while I\u2019m still paying more attention to a screen than my child.<\/p>\n

6. Do things herself, no matter how long it takes.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This one, in all honesty, often has more to do with my own impatience and desire to speed things up than it does her capacity or desire to do things by herself.<\/p>\n

Still, letting my kids put on their own shoes \u2015 even if it takes them 76 times longer than it would if I did it \u2015 is how they\u2019ll learn. This is how they\u2019ll learn not only to put on shoes, but to believe in their own capability.<\/p>\n

My personal rule is they have to try things on their own first, and then I\u2019ll help. For my toddler, this hasn\u2019t really been difficult because she loves to do things by herself, but even this sassy kid has moments where she screams at me in frustration to put a puzzle piece in for her, and I have to encourage her try.<\/p>\n

Because when she gets it, and I only helped by backing down a little bit, there\u2019s nothing more special than a toddler\u2019s ecstatic, \u201cI did it! I did it, Mommy!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n