{"id":1751,"date":"2014-05-05T11:41:39","date_gmt":"2014-05-05T11:41:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/?p=1751"},"modified":"2014-08-27T20:40:07","modified_gmt":"2014-08-27T20:40:07","slug":"what-our-daughters-want-us-to-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/what-our-daughters-want-us-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"What Our Daughters Want Us to Know."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"4748080876_a1fa8bc6b4_z\"<\/a><\/h3>\n

His hand moves down the back of my neck.<\/h3>\n

I feel his caress linger in places that make my skin jump as his palm trails down my side.<\/p>\n

Momentarily,\u00a0I\u2019m more inside of my body\u2014feeling the rhythm of my heartbeat <\/a>and breath\u2014than I\u2019m typically capable of during even my best days on my yoga mat.<\/p>\n

I feel my breath catch when he takes his hand away from me\u2014so that he can catch her as she\u2019s about to fall.<\/p>\n

I watch the steadiness come back into her own breath once she realizes that her daddy is there\u2014by\u00a0her<\/em>\u00a0side\u2014making her feel safe again.<\/p>\n

I let out the slow exhale that has temporarily stalled, both at my instant reaction to her near\u00a0thud<\/em>\u00a0and to my own disappointment at our brief\u2014but warm\u2014touching.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m moved by his dedication to her.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m also reminded of when it was\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0who housed the majority of this attention, and I recognize that the difficulty of such a critical transition<\/a> is most likely what leads to mother-daughter jealousy and unnecessary but bitter\u2014and often subconscious\u2014mother-daughter battles.<\/h4>\n

I\u2019m glad that I\u2019m not envious of\u00a0my daughter.
\n<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

Surely, I admire her.<\/p>\n

I admire her easy charm and her winning smiles<\/a>. I admire, too, the assertiveness with which she reminds me that I have to share this man I\u2019ve married, and then generously gifted to her.<\/p>\n

She lets me know that we do, indeed share him, when she comes up and wraps her arms around his neck while I\u2019m hugging his waist.<\/p>\n

She suggests this, also, when she climbs in between us on the couch\u2014or, rather, up onto his lap where my head had been resting.<\/p>\n

More, she tells me\u2014sometimes subtly and sometimes not so subtly\u2014that part of this bargain of the joys of motherhood\u2014especially when mothering a female child\u2014is to never insist on being number one or, at the very least, his\u00a0only<\/em>\u00a0number one, when you\u2019re parenting a daughter with a man.<\/p>\n

A daughter whispers\u2014albeit silently\u2014things like this:<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Mom,<\/h4>\n

Yes, don\u2019t forget that you\u2019re his wife.<\/p>\n

Please continue wearing pretty clothing for him and, for the love of God, change out of your yoga pants <\/a>before he comes home from work.<\/p>\n

Please kiss him, tenderly, lovingly\u2014brazenly\u2014but be mindful that I\u2019m watching too.<\/p>\n

Hold his hand when you\u2019re walking with him or driving side-by-side in the car\u2014but turn and smile back at me or hold my hand as well.<\/p>\n

Be kind to him so that I know you love him\u2014and so that I see what love should look like and what I can aim for myself.<\/p>\n

Go out with him\u2014be a couple\u2014but come home to me and always kiss me goodnight.<\/p>\n

Encourage him to be patient with me and to talk with me, even if it\u2019s an uncomfortable subject for him to address. This helps me learn how to open up and share my thoughts and needs with others.<\/p>\n

Be sexy and womanly. Wear things that make you feel special and sassy, but don\u2019t degrade yourself and do things that make you uncomfortable in order to please someone else. I want to know that sex is a positive experience and something meant for\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0to enjoy too.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t treat me like I\u2019m your equal when I\u2019m young. I\u2019m not. I\u2019m your child and I need a mommy. However, remind daddy as I grow older that I might always be his little girl, but that it\u2019s okay for me to also be a woman. This will help me be proud of\u2014and comfortable with\u2014my developing body and, further, this shows me that I can lean on you when I need to (because I will).<\/p>\n

Remember these things and, above all else, don\u2019t forget, Mommy,\u00a0that I am not you.<\/em>\u00a0Please try your hardest to avoid caring for me through the experiences of your own youth. I\u2019m an individual and I want to grow intomy<\/em>\u00a0 best self, not yours or your ideal version of me.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, sharing your\u00a0own<\/em>\u00a0experiences with me let\u2019s me know that I can share mine with you as my life unfolds<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So, Mom, help my daddy understand my wants and wishes because I need you to be on my side\u2014but that doesn\u2019t mean that you shouldn\u2019t also be on his. Because that\u2019s another thing.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s alright for you two to argue, as long as it\u2019s civil and courteous and as long as I see you resolve it healthfully\u2014this helps me see that I can expect bumps on a relationship\u2019s road, but that this doesn\u2019t mean things won\u2019t and can\u2019t work out. Still, I don\u2019t want to see you fight\u2014I\u2019ll think it\u2019s my fault and this hurts me more than you know. (Remember that some things should be done behind closed doors, when I can\u2019t see.)<\/p>\n

Thanks, Mom.<\/p>\n

Oh\u2014and one more thing\u2014I love you.<\/em><\/p>\n

Love,\u00a0Your Daughter<\/h4>\n

\"bio\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo credits: Steven Depolo\/Flickr<\/a>; Author’s own.<\/p>\n

This article was first published by elephant journal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

His hand moves down the back of my neck. I feel his caress linger in places that make my skin jump as his palm trails down my side. Momentarily,\u00a0I\u2019m more inside of my body\u2014feeling...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,268],"tags":[188,76,364,251,365],"class_list":["post-1751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-love-be-loved","category-romance-and-parenthood","tag-daughters","tag-love","tag-mothers","tag-parenthood","tag-romance-and-motherhood"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/4748080876_a1fa8bc6b4_z.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4dYEp-sf","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1751"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2802,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751\/revisions\/2802"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1751"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1751"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenniferswhite.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1751"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}