5 Things I Learned from Dating My Husband.

Author’s note: this article is a little bit old and I can’t wait to begin dating him again soon.

I spent my day nervously picking out clothes and thinking about how I should do my make-up.

I was going on a date—and not just with anyone—but with him.

I’d been eyeing this guy for awhile, and I was pretty sure that the feeling was mutual—well, I hope it is, because he’s my husband.

Yes, I went on a date with my husband and, yes, it was a big deal.

If you’re a couple that goes out regularly, then congrats, I hope to soon join your ranks. However, my husband and I have been caught up in career changes, babyhood needs and stress—I guess some call it life.

The thing is, it’s difficult to transition from mommyland into adult world—you know, where the big kids play. It’s important to do this, though, because all women need to feel admired, special and, yep, sexy.

So we went out.

And not just to anywhere, but to the fancy schmancy (okay, not really, more trendy yet cozy) wine bar that I’d wanted to take him to for (cough, cough) months.

I seriously did spend my morning feeling more like an excited teenager than the mom of an inquisitive toddler. (Quite literally, I went shopping at my local mall.)

I wanted to wear something fun and sassy—something that represents the woman hidden underneath the food stains and frazzled facial expression. I think I succeeded.

Without further ado, here are five things that I learned from dating my husband.

1. We like each other.

My husband and I have always fought more when we don’t spend enough time together. I’m perfectly aware that not all couples are like this, that some see each other practically minimally and do fantastically well—but I can’t relate, so here’s my story.

I think that people grow apart because they—gasp!—aren’t spending enough time together; doing things like remembering why they became a couple in the first place. Here’s another thing that I suggest to you: if you find yourself frequently fighting with your significant other and having difficulty just generally getting along, then make sure you’re looking in the mirror as much as you’re pointing your finger.

It takes two to tango, and it takes two to fight—and in our case, it takes two people spending some quality time together to have a solidly built relationship on which to base our family.

When we sat down and looked at the menu, we got to talking about our tastes in wine and food as we scoped our options, and our conversation came easily—because I still like him. Good to know.

2. I like looking hot.

Okay, so I told you that I went shopping, but I didn’t tell you that it was for a little sweater cover-up to go with the extremely short skirt and thin, small top he’d surprised me with a couple days before. (I’ve told you before that I’m lucky to have a man with good taste who enjoys treating me.) Of course, I was going to return them. I told him that I’m too old.

“For Godsakes, I have to bend over to strap my daughter into her carseat,” or something like that. He looked affronted and surprised as I stood in front of him in the outfit that he’d so lovingly, and wisely, chosen while I critiqued him, and the clothes. He said they looked great on me.

Needless to say, I kept them, and I rocked them and I loved every second of it—because everyone (and I mean everyone) needs to feel sexy sometimes.

3. Time flies when you’re having fun.

I didn’t bring a purse; I gave my husband my I.D. (because I’m not too old after all) and some chapstick (yep, that’s how I roll) to put into his pocket for me. Anyways, without my phone or a watch I sat there thinking, at one point, admittedly, that our allotted date time would not be necessary. Of course, we’d easily be home by the time that I had told our daughter’s beloved sitter and then it was nearly time to go home, just like that.

There were absolutely times that I missed my little girl, but there was not one moment that I wished I was somewhere else.

We get so caught up in life and in responsibility, especially as young parents, that we forget that we’re supposed to be having fun too. You know, enjoying the journey and the process, and all that, yet it’s true. Don’t forget to add “love and enjoy the partner who I chose to share my life with” to your check list for the day.

4. Conversations change.

Alright, it’s absolutely true that I was admiring my husband in his fitted t-shirt and that time flew like I didn’t think was possible, but the joke that your conversations change after you have kids can’t be denied. I think if you’re able to discuss the size, color and shape of your child’s poo during appetizers, that there’s no pretending that you’ve just met (at least I hope not) and that’s okay. Isn’t that why everyone wants to have a partner anyway? Not to talk about bathrooms or toilets, but to have someone that you’re comfortable with, who knows your routines—who knows you.

So, yeah, conversations change, but that wasn’t a negative discovery for me.

5. We need to do this more often.

We all say this, “Oh, sure, let’s do this again soon!” (Phony laugh, phony laugh.) I know I’m guilty. My husband and I know that we need to escape together more often, and not just for us, but for our daughter too. Children need happy parents. Children need role models in love. Kids need to be shown how to fight, and then how to make up. They need to know that their parents like each other, if they’re growing up in a double household, that is.

As my husband and I got up from our small wooden table at the wine bar, my legs had that suction-cup action happening from my chair because we’d sat and talked for so long (and because I was wearing a super short skirt), and as we walked out the door I clasped my husband’s hand, knowing that we’d be back soon. Because we do need to do this more often.

As it turns out, neither of us could easily end our date—both of us had a hard time realizing that our window of opportunity was seemingly over as soon as it had begun.

There’s no doubt that we couldn’t wait to see our tiny lady’s always smiling face, but we decided to make a quick stop at our favorite healthfood store for some treats for later, or perhaps it was simply to buy ourselves a little time. (I mean, we had skipped dessert.)

When we were finally cruising up the steep hill to our house, my husband looked at me and said that our daughter was going to be royally upset.

“Why?” I asked, flustered and concerned.

“Because we’re already home.”

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

~ Kahlil Gibran

Photo: we are the world/Flickr.

This article was first published by elephant journal.

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